大家認為只有亞洲人的英語很差，從以下世界各地旅館、觀光與購物地點的各種告示裡展現的光怪陸離令人噴飯的英文，才知道菜英文和梅花一樣早已滿天下了。
旅館
In a Yugoslavian hotel：The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
南斯拉夫旅館房間裏的告示：以喜悅之情熨平閣下內衣，是本旅社女傭工作。
Outside a Kashmir Pension: Youth Hostile, $100/Nite.
尼泊爾一家喀什米爾自助旅社：敵對青年入住，每晚十元。（註：把請年旅社Hostel拼錯了。）
In a Paris hotel ：Please leave your values at the front desk.
巴黎的旅館告示：請把貴重之物留在櫃臺
In a Moscow hotel ：If this is your first visit to the USSR, your are welcome to it.
莫斯科一家旅館：假如這是您首次光臨蘇聯，我們歡迎您。（第二次光臨呢？）
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office：We take your bags and send them in all directions.
一家哥本哈根的旅館行李處理告示：我們把你的行李送到不同的地方。
In a Japanese hotel ：You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
一家日本旅館：請不用客氣去佔我們女性服務員的便宜。（原意是不要客氣去利用她們的服務。）
In an Austrian ski hotel：Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
In a Milan pension: No ladies in the bra, she's lounge only.
米蘭一家旅社：女士勿入「胸罩」，只能留在迎客大廳（把 bar 拼錯成 bra了）
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
德國萊比錫一家旅館的電梯口的說明：請勿倒退進入，除非裡頭亮著燈。（如果掉入電梯坑內數不負責。）
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
東京一家旅館浴室裏的告示：竊取本旅館裏的毛巾是被禁止的，假如您不是這種人，請勿閱讀此告示。
Air conditioner instructions in a Japanese hotel :Cooles and Heates if you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
日本旅館空調系統使用說明：假如您要調整房間冷熱溫度，請控制你自己。
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
另一家日本旅館浴室裏的告示：請在浴缸內洗澡。
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
羅馬尼亞的布加勒斯特的旅館大廳：電梯會在次日維修，本店對您令人難以忍受的態度表示遺憾。
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To more the cabin, push wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going to alphabetically by national order.
南斯拉夫貝爾格來特旅館電梯使用說明：電梯裏的眾人：請按所希望的樓層。假如電梯裡進來更多的人，每一個人都要按所希望樓層的號碼。然後電梯會依照各國的字母順序開動。
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
希臘雅典旅館接待櫃臺：我們期望旅客們每日上午九時到十一時前來櫃臺提出您的怨言。
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
蘇聯莫斯科旅遊景點之一的東正教墓園告示：歡迎參觀本墓園，除每週四外這裡有許多有名的帝俄和蘇聯時代的作曲家、藝術家和作家每日安葬於此。
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
維也納的旅館警語：火警時，請儘量先告知旅館跑堂。
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
瑞士蘇黎世旅館告示：由於在旅館房間內款待娛樂異性有所不當，請將該事改在大堂進行。
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
瑞士登山客棧：好消息：今日不供應冰淇淋。
Sign in a hotel in London：All fire extinguishers must be tested at least five days before any fire
倫敦旅館的防火警語：所有的滅火器必須在發生火災前測試五日。
Sign by an elevator in a hotel in Doha: Please do not use this lift when it is not working
中東達卡的一家旅館告示：電梯故障時請勿使用。
Sign in a Tel Aviv hotel：If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone and our waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring up your food.
假如想要早餐請提起電話，我們的女侍就會到達，這將足以帶給您所要的服務。
From the Taipan Hotel in Bangkok: Please maintain temperature a 1 degree from 25, any higher or lower will only make the room hotter or colder.
曼谷一家旅館：請將室內溫度保持在25度上下一度，高於或低於此溫度將導致客房更熱或更冷。
Sign in French swimming pool： Swimming Forbidden In The Absence of A Saviour.
法國旅館的游泳池警語：救世主不在場時旅客不得進入游泳池。（救生員是Life Guard不是Saviour。Saviour是指像耶穌這樣的救世主。）
Sign in Istanbul hotel：To call room service, please open the door and call room service.
土耳其伊斯坦堡一家旅館：要求客房服務者，請打開房門，然後說我要客房服務。
Sign in a Sri Lanka swimming pool：Do not use the diving board when the swimming pool is empty.
史里蘭卡一家旅館游泳池邊的警語：游泳池未注水時，請勿使用跳板。
Shower cap in a box in an Italian hotel：Fits One Head Only.
一家義大利旅館浴帽使用說明：只能容納一個頭顱。
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
一家芬蘭旅館的廁所水龍頭標示：防止滴漏，請把『那話兒』向右擰緊。（cock有男人生殖器和控制閥的雙重意思，但後者是罕用字。）
At a Seoul hotel desk: Choose twin bed or marriage size, we regret no King Kong size.
一家韓國漢城的旅館櫃臺上的告示：我們的客房提供二張床、一張夫婦合睡的大床。抱歉我們沒有提供「人猿金剛」級的超級大床。（一班兩人合睡的大床稱為double bed，而不是marriage size。比double更大的床稱為king size，不是King Kong size。）
At a Mexico city hotel desk: MAD Service Daily 8 – 12
一家墨西哥市的旅館櫃臺：每日八時至十二時提供瘋狂服務。（把MAID Service女傭清潔服務拼錯成為瘋狂服務MAD Service）
Sign in an Ankara hotel ：Please hang your order before retiring on your doorknob.
土耳其安卡拉一家旅館：請在門把上休息前把訂單掛起來。（又不是跳蚤，如何在門把上休息？）
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: Please do not bring solicitors into your room.
泰國清邁旅館告示：請勿帶律師進入客房。（莫非是防止發生捉姦事件？本意其實是勿把推銷特產的商販帶入客房。Solicitor是英式英文裡「律師」的意思，一般則指「登門求售者」。）
Hotel brochure in Italy: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
義大利一家旅館的宣傳手冊：本旅館以僻靜聞名。事實上世界各地賓客蜂擁而至，就是為了來此享受孤獨之樂。
Hotel notice in Bulgaria: The inhabitants of the hotel are kindly asked to keep clean. They are expected also to use the various objects in the rooms only according to their predestination.
保加利亞的一家旅館告示：本旅館的住客請注意保持自己的清潔。他們被要求根據事先認定的方式使用旅館裡的各種設施。
Hotel bedroom notice in Rome: FIRE! It is what can doing we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire come out.
火災！這是我們所能期望的。勿驚恐，不是我們自己。趕快告訴每一個下樓來的人祈禱。經常是一個職員，他是被專家認可的一個安全可靠的人，他在酒吧裡打電話給來自火裡的消防隊員。
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